I didn't shave. On purpose
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
