i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
then he tried to convert me to islam
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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