I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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