This girl is more easily done than said...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
