Your mouth is God's brothel.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
