careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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