Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
