I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
