The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
