Don't you send me to vm
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
