YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And then he peed in my hair
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
