just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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