those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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