Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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