Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
