If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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