he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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