everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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