ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
