i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
