were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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