It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
