Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
