It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
