So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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