my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize