you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
