You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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