Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
