I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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