Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
