advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
