I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize