I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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