Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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