Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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