can we get nightvision for the apartment?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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