I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
