I faked an abortion last night.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
