Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
