i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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