Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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