go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
