Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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