everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize