chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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