Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
