i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
