in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize