You smell like a Billy Joel song
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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