Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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