i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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