I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think my moral compass just broke
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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