after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
