we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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