you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
