Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
