Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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