i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
