the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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