He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
