We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
