i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The air taste purple.
Randomize
